Talk like a pirate day: The Pirate Ship
by Tuesday Pajamas
Summary: All seems well onboard the Crown's ship but take heed! the legendary pirate ship, The Shenny Pearl sails the dark waters of Los Robles. (Written for TBBT HQ's 'Talk like a pirate day'). *Shenny* *one shot*


"LAND AHOY!" hollered Hook-hand Howie as the coast of the beautiful isle of Los Robles came into view.

"Are we mooring?" Miss Bernadette's head appeared from below deck.

"'tis a good spot tae drop anchor for the night," Lugsail Leonard announced. "Let me help ye, ma'am." He extended a hand for the lady to steady herself as she hitched her skirt and climbed up the steps. Ever since the two young ladies had boarded at their last stop, Lugsail Leonard had made himself available for their every whim, fetching and carrying and making sure they were comfortable. Which was more than could be said of the ship's Captain who barely gave them a second thought.

"Look at Lugsail! He be hovering 'round those two lasses like a weevil 'bout maize," muttered Raj Rattlebones, as he watched Lugsail help Miss Amy who followed shortly after.

"Yer just jealous," Hook-hand Howie mocked, monkeying his way down the masthead to land alongside his seamate. "Get some grog down yer neck, ye be yapping to them beauties soon 'nough."

At that moment their tall and majestic Captain glided on deck, all coattails and flowing dark hair swirling in the breeze, his chin, as always, shaved close. He never wore a beard, it reminded him too much of his wretched father, Grimbeard George. The Captain had left that world behind him a long time ago. Taken a path of the straight and narrow when he accepted placement on the Good Ship Shamy Delight. The crew knew nothing of Cooper's heritage and that's how he wanted it to stay.

Standing before the wheel the tall man, with arched brow, studied a large chart. Rattlebones approached, "Wha'cha think? Good spot for lowering anchor, Cap'n?"

"There be ill-wind on these shores," the Captain said. They had seen nothing untoward for weeks but the Captain felt a chill in his bones, as though they were being watched.

Lugsail Leonard scanned the horizon. "I think the sea becalmed and 'tis wise to anchor," he challenged. The Captain eyed him darkly. It was common knowledge that Lugsail had been set to be Captain before his unexpected arrival. He had to be reminded repeatedly however that he couldn't be Captain because neither of his names started with the letter 'C' and he didn't look good in the coat.

Lugsail's lips thinned, venomously. What kind of stupid rule was that anyway? Captain Cooper had so many stupid rules. Lugsail had been promised the Captaincy, it was what he signed up for, yet all that changed when the magnetic Cooper swooped in one stormy night. So arrogant, so demanding and with an uncanny knowledge of seamanship. Thereafter Lugsail had to contend himself with the role of Quartermaster and he didn't like it one bit. He huffed, rivalry burning in the Seadog's veins.

"You don't think there's trouble in these waters, do you?" Miss Bernadette asked tentatively as she and Miss Amy approached.

"You promised us safe passage, Captain Cooper," Miss Amy warned. "We were told the Shamy Delight is the safest ship in the fleet. Assured by Major Molaro himself."

"The ship is sound," Cooper replied, "… but there always be chance of pirates."

" _Pirates?!_ "

Miss Bernadette gasped.

"Aye. 'round these waters there roam a cutthroat horde of blaggards for whom many a shanty hath been penned. Plundering Penny and her kin be the most feared Pirate family ye ever did see. Born of Whitemane Wyatt and Sharkbait Susan, she did battle her brother Rapscallion Randall for the wheel, he losing on account of his fondness for liquor. Since then Plundering Penny be in charge of the mighty pirate ship, the Shenny Pearl. She'll steal yer booty, cut ye ear-to-ear, for a cask of grog."

"A _lady_ pirate?" Bernadette fanned her face with her hand.

"Aye. Raised as a lad, the bane was hidden amongst her kin and her true self be guarded. Some say she's just a legend but Plundering Penny and her kin of no name be in these waters... somewhere."

"'tis no call to make the lasses afeard," Lugsail said.

"Afeard? Aye? My word be faithful."

Miss Bernadette had to find somewhere to sit down and nested on a wooden edge by a sail. "Oh dear," she whimpered.

"Faithful it may be but what are you going to do to protect us? And our property?" Miss Amy asked.

The Captain raised his chin defiantly. "Rattlebones! I want ye on lookout this night."

"Aye aye, Cap'n."

"Hook-hand and Lugsail! Prepare all hands for ambush."

"Aye aye."

With that he spun on a booted heel and swooped to his cabin without another word. Miss Amy watched him retreat, a fine figure he did cut. Major Molaro had suggested he was ripe for marriage, being of means and good character, and although she had been placed aboard for the very purpose of his seduction, Captain Cooper did not seem ripe for marriage in the slightest. The man acted as though he was wed to the sea, and Miss Amy sensed a dark secret, one she dared not know. Once the brooding Captain disappeared below she took Bernadette's arm and they returned to the safety of their cabin.

Rattlebones glanced up towards the Crow's Nest, he had never been good with heights but obediently placed a foot on a rung to ascend.

"Avast!" Lugsail said. "The Captain be addled. 'tis Los Robles, 'tis safe, Molaro assured us. There be no pirate ships in these waters."

"Ye sure?"

"Aye, the Cap'n will drive us to our watery graves with his articles. I say we get a cask and invite Miss Amy and Miss Bernadette to supper."

"They wouldnae, they be fine lasses of high moral character."

"Worth a shot."

And with that the deckhands and Quartermaster scurried below deck.

Many hours later….

… a massive inky shape drifted ever closer to the Shamy Delight. Fast asleep in their cots, all save Rattlebones who had passed out at the helm after too much rum, the ship was silent. No one heard a thing as the heavily-loaded vessel came broadside.

A carefully placed black boot went down on deck, followed by another, gliding soundlessly towards the sleeping deckhand. With a gesture she beckoned her hands to board. Rattlebones stirred as the cool edge of a cutlass met his chin. Eyelids fluttered and awoke to emerald irises fixed on him. "We be boarded" he yelped.

"Aarrrr! Ye have _,_ " came the distinctly feminine reply.

By the time Rattlebones was fully aware of what had happened, the crew had been wakened and were gathered in the middle of the upper deck, surrounded by a large horde of scoundrels. Miss Amy and Miss Bernadette were there, clutching shawls about their nightdresses, the crew fruitlessly trying to gather around protectively.

"Take the gold and leave us with our lives," Miss Amy pleaded.

This was greeted by an unnerving chuckle that spread round the circle, blades bared inwards. "We have no need of gold," huskily retorted an old grey-bearded pirate.

The cabin door banged open, streaming light across the upper deck, as the Captain emerged, having swung on his coat over his trousers and bared his sword. There were too many of them, a dozen blades threatened.

"Avast!" she ordered her men to stop.

Everyone obeyed as Plundering Penny moved closer to take a proper look at the Captain. She had observed him from afar enough times, but now she stood before him, all blonde hair and wild eyes, as though she were weighing him up. Her gaze passed down to his unbuttoned coat, bare chest, and on down the full length of his body. The moment unnerved him. Though clad from head to booted toe in male attire, her femininity was all too apparent. Under leather and embellished velvet burned curves and savage beauty that made him think of the ocean itself, before it dragged you to your doom. She was both beautiful and utterly terrifying.

"So the legend be true," Captain Cooper breathed. "A _wench_ Buccaneer."

She smiled a little. "And yer legend also be true. Cap'n Cooper, son of Grimbeard George… in the employ of the Crown."

There were gasps as his secret was revealed.

"You are the son of a pirate?" Miss Amy hissed, fuming inwardly that Major Molaro would seek to pair her with someone of such poor breeding.

"Aye," he said, "but I observe the law of land."

" _Land!_ " Plundering Penny scoffed. "Ye be a sea dog. A dogapus."

"I be nothing of the sort!" But even as he spoke the words he knew they were hollow. Life aboard ship had become increasingly restrictive with each journey Molaro commissioned him for. He needed to be at sea and he thought being Captain of a ship would satisfy his salty blood, but he knew Lugsail would eventually take the Captaincy from him, through mutiny if necessary. If he stayed he would end up being seen as a simple fool. The landlubbers lived in a world that didn't house dreamers like him. He had one or two good trips left in him and then it would be over, he would be demoted.

"Then I contend that ye know not _what_ ye be."

He narrowed his eyes at her but didn't protest. "If ye don't want our swag, what do ye want?"

"I come for ye," she whispered softly and with a click of her fingers two burly mid-western looking lads grabbed an arm each and the Captain's sword clattered to the deck.

"For me?"

"My ship hath ample supply of cousins but I seek more, I seek a mate, I cannae lay with me own kin."

"You wish to lay with me?"

Her green eyes examined him once more.

"Ye sure ye want dat one, Slugger?" the old grey pirate asked, casting an eye over what else was available.

"Aye."

"Right, ye can come with us, or ye can feed the fishes." Whitemane Wyatt croaked.

The Captain licked his lips nervously, although it wasn't the threat to his life that rattled him, it was the fact that he wanted to go with Plundering Penny. He wanted to set sail on the mighty pirate ship, to travel the wild seas, to roam free, to not think about fitting in, to not have to be forgiven all the time. Because he would be amongst them. The Seadogs. The unforgiveable.

"Weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen! _"_ Cooper said, and walked straight on to the pirate ship.

So Plundering Penny and her nameless kin retreated from The Shamy Delight that night, complete with the ship's Captain, who agreed to 'sacrifice' himself more willingly than expected.

Lugsail stood on deck and watched as the Pirate ship faded from view, wondering what it might be like to be taken by a dangerous and determined wench like that. But he knew he preferred a safer life, and with Cooper gone he could finally take the helm.

"Should ye go after the Cap'n?" Rattlebones asked.

Lugsail sniffed.

There was much for him to do now he was Captain. Turning towards the relieved crew he spotted Miss Amy and Miss Bernadette. He had a ship to rename.

Lamy? Lenette?

He wasn't quite sure yet.

 _The End._

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 _Special thanks to Toad for the beta. Also please review..._


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